Entry #2, January 26
Saturdays
Saturday, Jan 26 (8:38 A.M.)
I hate Saturdays, a day when I don’t speak in class because all my classes are with people I don’t know. Then there’s the lab class, the most awkward class this term. And the worst part is, I have to go to church after. Saturdays suck! Wish me luck, I hope I survive this day. It’s only the third week of the third semester of what should be my fourth year, nine more hard weeks to go. I wish it were Monday again.
(11:55 A.M.)
I’m in the library once again, typing these words on my iPod. In my first class, physics lecture, the professor gave us another problem to solve. We’re supposed to be in groups, but I worked alone again. She keeps giving problems every single class after discussing the topics. I don’t like the way she explains things, and I can sense my classmates don’t either. It’s too damn fast for someone like me, who’s not that good at math, and it’s not clear. Last time, a quick google search helped me with the problem, but this time I turned in a paper with stupid answers. Physics is hard, but it could be easier if it were explained well. But if it’s explained like she’s competing in a 200-meter sprint, it’s going to be damn hard, especially for me. Geez!
The last class is a laboratory class, which means I’m in a group, and I need to interact. It’s easy to interact if you know the experiment well, but I’m having trouble with our lessons. In the two previous physics lab classes, I hardly participated because I didn’t know my classmates and they were with their circle of friends already, but I passed it. I don’t know about this time.
This semester my groupmates are new students. I feel out of place because my batch is way ahead of me, and I’m stuck in a lower batch. This is what happens when you shift programs during the second term of your first year at college. All the people you knew from your previous program, you’ll never get to see them again in the same class, except if it’s a minor.
My classmates here, they’ll think I’m stupid or lazy for still taking this subject. I’m probably two years older than them and I feel embarrassed to be still here at this point. I’m already having trouble with my calculus and physics lecture classes because I’m a loner there as well, but it’s more forgiving since we work individually. But in the lab, we are grouped. Oh. Sigh.
(3:59 PM)
Anxious again, one more hour before I head out with the masses. Five hours and thirty minutes in class with people I don’t know, not counting the hour-long breaks that I spend alone in the corner of the library. And then, after all that, I still have to go to church for the Saturday practice.
If I’m longing for Monday so badly, you’ll understand how unbearable weekends must be for me.
