Entry #1, January 23
An Introduction
Today, 23rd of January, the fourth but not the last Wednesday of the first month, I decided to do something with my free time. I have so much time alone, why not write?
Maybe a school diary of some sort where I share my feelings and thoughts about my school life. Just to help calm the nerves and pretend I’m studying or doing some homework. No one’s supposed to read this… but maybe someday, someone will.
I’m in college now, and it feels like the worst stage of my school life. This is technically the third and the last semester of my fourth year. But according to the courses I’ve passed, courses remaining, and those I’m currently taking, I’m still considered a third-year student.
I’m an engineering student. Electronics and Communication, to be exact. This is my second academic program. I spent my first few months as a maritime student, but I shifted to engineering after the first semester. Neither was my choice.
My father wanted me to become a high-earning seafarer, just like his cousins and uncles. But after three months of strict uniform and haircut rules and boring technical courses, I came to the realization that the last thing I wanted was to be a maritime student for four years, in a university that doesn’t even require uniforms or enforce haircut policies. In fact, I was excited to be in college because I thought I could finally wear regular clothes and grow my hair long like a normal teenager.
Initially, my father wanted me to take engineering, but he changed his mind at the last minute when he found out that the same school was offering a maritime program. I didn’t expect to end up following an even stricter haircut rule than I had in high school, and wearing a uniform every day, just to be a seafarer in the future doing mechanical work in the middle of nowhere.
He was disappointed and only agreed to let me shift programs because I went with his only other choice: engineering. But really, even back when I was in high school, I already knew what interested me. I wanted something completely opposite of what he wanted for me. Something film-related, multimedia, writing, or anything in the creative field. But that choice wasn’t mine to make.
I chose engineering four years ago simply because I would choose anything but maritime. Anything was better than wearing a uniform in college and going to the barber every two weeks to maintain a crew cut. Now, again... I’m stuck in a program that I don’t like and that I’m beginning to hate. But that’s the least of my worries, because despite not liking it, I still want to finish it. My problem is that I’ve failed Calculus 2 three times already, and I’m on my fourth attempt and still struggling. I was never good at math or anything technical.
My father would never allow me to shift programs again, and he’d be more than just disappointed with me this time.
But I’m not sure I’ll ever finish this engineering program.
And it’s getting harder each day.
